Why do modern marriages fail?

Author: Vidhi Khandel

A beggar comes to your doorstep every day.

On his first day, you offer him left over biryani(rice and chicken/eggs cooked in spices). You feel happy that you did charity. He feels happy too since he had been jumping door to door but never got to have something as tasty as biryani.

Pic: Biryani cooked by me

He visits you again next day. You offer him fried rice this time. He is fine since he had eaten fried rice only a few times before. This goes on for a few days.

Now he stops visiting other houses, he knows that he has unlimited supply of tasty food from your house.

He visits you again the next day, this time you offer him some leftover rice. He is slightly disappointed, he was expecting something great but that is all you had. You are annoyed too that begging has become an everyday thing for him.

He visits you again and demands biryani this time since you have only been giving him plain rice lately, he liked biryani more. Now he has driven you out of your wits. You are appalled at his lack of gratitude and you are tired of having something to give him everyday. It is no more a charity that you happily gave but has become a burden.

Beggar is angry too, why should he be grateful after all you only offered him leftovers that were going to get wasted anyway.

Why do modern marriages fail?

Because we all have become ungrateful beggars. Once we are hooked to a person, we are constantly asking and asking for love, respect, time, gifts, comfort, fun, this and that. We show up at our partner’s door steps everyday demanding things that he simply can not give.

We are hooked to the idea of biryani served at the beginning. Now we are not satisfied with plain rice, we want more and more biryani. We feel there must be many people offering biryani so why should we eat plain rice every day?We can't see the comfort in rice that it in fact is a healthier alternative. We do not realise the utility of rice that unlike biryani we can make so many delicious dishes out of it even biryani itself if we want but we never learn to make our own food. We are always dependent on our partner to feed us.

Just imagine the worst case scenario where two beggars get together asking for biryani every day? They are both hungry, they are empty emotionally and intellectually and want the other one to fulfill those voids. When we are both beggars how can we give anything at all?

But then one of us could also be a giver, he is always giving and giving. At first he is excited for the charity he is doing but it soon starts to get exhausting for him. Now he is no mood to keep cooking biryani for the ungrateful asshole.

In a relationship we could either of the two a beggar or a giver and a union between either of the two is never going to work no matter how hard you try. Marriages worked before because they never demanded biryani, they were happy that they were at least getting rice every day sufficient to fill their stomach but that is also not a good news. They were missing out on the delicious biryani by just being satisfied with plain rice.

Marriages will survive only and only when one of them at least learn to prepare the spices so that the other can cook biryani. Marriages will not only survive but thrive if both can cook biryani for each other and may be pizza too for a change, best if they cook it together, but that would be too idealistic.

So, moral of the story is marry someone who can cook biryani and you at least learn how to prepare spices.

Note: Beware of elaichis(cardamom) that marriage is also going to fail. They make us believe that they are contributing to the biryani but often suck the deliciousness out of it.

View the original story on Quora.

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Being an avid fan of Biryani, I can feel the disappointment of being denied that flavorful goodness. But apart from that, I must say, what a great comparison! Everyone wants the biryani in their lives, but nobody wants to have plain rice. People don't realize that if we only had biryani everyday, we'd eventually get bored of it. The fact that we eat plain rice 6 times a week and get biryani for one day is the reason why Biryani tastes so magical.  A happy marriage is not what gives you a high, it is what makes you content. I wish more couples understood that.

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